Saturday, January 30, 2010

my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder


tears and bacardi (my tears, -Catalena's bacardi). adolescent hearts and low dopamine levels. tonight I fall apart in Catalena's arms.
Andrei's still in Europe. if he returns, I'll be anything he'd want me to be.

"My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder." Catalena sings along with Jeff Buckley as she holds my shaking body.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


no sleep last night - sat up with Catalena instead. watched her fill her blood vessels with Vintage Port until morning came and she collapsed in front of me on her parent's Persian carpet.

talked about climbing Nilkantha and observe the Alaknanda River from above. oh, what a dream. I've never been in India. I've never really been anywhere but here in Hollywood, and Romania of course. guess that's the humble entrapment of epilepsy.

Saturday, January 23, 2010


clarifying: of my seven windows, this one's my favorite

when Andrei looked at me for the first time, I went deaf. all I could grasp was his image; his prominent jawline, those broken eyes. his lips held a strange shade of purple, as if he was constantly bruised, and his dark curls didn't seem to obey anything, the very least gravity (didn't know I was bisexual until I met him).

he spent that whole day teaching me some of Chopin's Piano Sonata No. 3 (B minor) on the piano. as I played, he leaned his chin against my right shoulder. to test my concentration, I thought at the time, but I would later find out that Andrei was a hopeless dreamer, and a slave to every lust and, not to mention, the fragrances of women. dreaming pornografic dreams about him, now that he's in Europe. he's touching them (older women in Barcelona perhaps, or younger ones in Berlin) digging his face into their necks. he always preferred Chanel No. 5.

Friday, January 15, 2010

wherever you are

for you, Andrei. bring some of Paris, Amsterdam and Vienna home with you, if you decide to return.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


I was never the emotional type of girl, more of the don't-care-but-wishes-she-did type of girl. I think it has to do with my austere upbringing. "Aurora - straight back," said my mother stiffly through the usual dinner silence (it was when I was invited to have dinner with Catalena's family at the age of ten that I discovered other families were different). we weren't raised to show emotions, me and my sisters, none of us were.

Catalena never complained. Andrei, however, says I'm emotionally challenged. says he can't stand being around me anymore. that I'm cold, -too depressing to be around. he's left for Europe. don't know when he'll be back. am I really that cold? am I really that depressing?

Sunday, January 3, 2010

three fingers.

her kisses are so hot that nothing can drag me out of bed when she's in it with me. bite marks down my left thigh. Andrei watches apathetically from the corner, lately he's completely lost interest in us. will he leave this dysfunctional relationship of ours? has three at last become one too many?